I Love You, Goodbye
by MissFantasist
Summary: I wonder when I first paying attention to you. I wonder when I first captivated by your silky voice. But I know that everyone were wrong about you.


**I Love You. Goodbye**

 _Disclaimer : I don't own Harry Potter but I do own my OC and the plot. This is an angst-y fic._

 _Warning : Character Death. Angst. Have a tissue ready I guess. I warned you. Ciao~_

Seven years passed since I first met you.

Six years since I first captivated by your sharp tongue and wit. Your insults, when I'm not the one receiving it, were always amusing. But not everyone could catch the sarcasm and amusement you felt. Especially when you're throwing insults to that Longbottom boy. Not everyone knew that you found the Demon Twins of Gryffindor funny and that you almost always had to hold your laugh in when you saw the Twins acting up. Not everyone noticed the sad and almost bitter glint in your eyes when you stare at that Potter boy discreetly. Well, I'm pretty sure the Headmaster knew, 'cause he _always_ knew _anything_ happens in this castle. I'm also pretty sure that he knew that my eyes always searching for you when you're around by his knowing smile that was directed to me that one time, to my mortification.

Two years since I began realizing my feelings for you. The way my eyes search for you, my ears always yearn for your voice, or the way my heart beats faster and sending hot wave of blood to my cheeks. Then I landed in Hospital Wing when I spent too much time outside in the Forest to think about my new revelation feelings. You walked in with your signature flap and swish of your robe and thrust the vial of freshly brewed Pepper Up potion. Said that the Madame requested him to make sure I drink the potion. You folded your arms and glared at me, said that I was such a 'foolish child' to 'take leisure stroll on the ground in this weather'. Then I saw concern in your eyes. Again, I felt my heart skipped a beat. You didn't stay long. But that's okay, it's you afterall.

The next Christmas, I stayed in the castle as always. There're a few students and Professors seated in a one big table. The Headmaster, Deputy Headmistress, Herbology professor, and you. I was seated in front of you, coincidentally. I noticed that you love your tea and your apple pie. I also noticed the slight smile on your lips, just a little twitch on the corner of your thin lips. But that's enough to make me fall deeper. You didn't know, but I have sent you a gift. I don't know what you like for a gift, and I felt that a potion ingridients was a bit mainstream, so I sent you a wood sculpture of a panther. I sculpted it myself, you know. It was delivered to you in the end of the feast. I knew that you always received presents from the Headmaster and the Deputy, so you seemed surprised when you received my present. With the Headmaster's coaxing, you opened the wrapping carefully. I love the way our eyes widen to show your surprise and delight. As the Deputy was pestering you on who sent it, the Headmaster eyes caught mine. He smiled and winked knowingly. I smiled back and ducked my head to hide my blush.

.

It was awful.

The Headmaster's dead.

The famous Gryffindor trio were missing and Death Munchers walking around the castle freely. DADA was cast aside and replaced by Dark Arts lesson. I hate it. I hate that you insult people to lift up their hope. There are happiness no more. I saw you less and less. And when I do, my heart cried for you. The way you hide behind you mask. The stress line and bags under your eyes kept increasing. I had taken shelter in the Come and Go Room along with quite a handful of students. We were tortured and tortured again when we refused to do what they said. But then Harry Potter came through the secret door and we fight. We fight for our lives, our freedom. I fight with you in my mind. I determined to come out of this war alive and when I do, I promised to myself to confess to you. That I'm the one who sent that panther sculpture and the other sculpture trinkets, that I love you. Yes, I love you, you git.

Then the final fight came. Harry Potter who was declared dead stood up and begun taunting Voldy. Potter won. Voldy's dead. The war is over. And I'm alive. I smiled shakily as I looked around for you. My hearts beats faster and faster and I hate that I started to have a bad feeling about this. Reluctantly, I approached Harry Potter and tapped his shoulder. When I asked for you and Potter only looked at me with sadness and shook his head and said sorry. I could only fisted my hands on my pants, nodded numbly and thank him distractedly and wandered off to the Black Lake.

You didn't survive.

You're dead.

 _Dead._

I shuddered and sobbed and cried and fell to my knees and sobbed once more. Why? Why did you have to die? I haven't told you that it was me who sent that panther on Christmas and all that little presents yet. I haven't told you that I love you. I sobbed away my broken heart. I mourned my Chosen love of my heart. I cried myself to sleep.

.

When I woke up, it was in the Hospital Wing. Madame Pomfrey told me that I was unconscious for almost two weeks. A magical coma she said. Then Professor McGonaggal visited. She told me that I woke up in time. Tomorrow was you funeral. Funeral. _Your_ funeral. It was the last thing want to hear, but I nodded to confirm that I will come. She grabbed my hands and squeezed it. She said that she was sorry, so sorry for my loss, and that she knew about me and my sculptures for you. She said that he was always loved my sculptures. I shuddered in attempt to hold in my tears and nodded. She caressed my hair and left.

.

Today's your funeral. I wore my black dress and put my chocolate brown hair down my back and black handkerchief in my pocket. Not many came. Professors McGonaggal, Flitwick, Hagrid and Madame Pomfrey. Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron and Ginny Weasley, Draco Malfoy. And me. I stayed near the Forest. When they all left, I came closer. I had to giggle, how can I not? Even your headstone was a black stone. I kneeled beside you and fulfilled my promise to myself. I told you about me, my sculptures, and my feelings for you. That I'm in love with you for years, and still am. I told you everything I love about you. Your eyes, your hands, your voice, your wit, and your sarcasm especially. That I love you and I promise to move on but I still love you and will mourn you, but I will move on from you. I promise to find love other than you. Even though I knew you will never be replaced by anyone and I knew that you will always in my heart.

.

I graduated today. It's been a year since the war. Hogwarts had been repaired and we could finish our education. Even though only a few came back. I still mourn you. But I'm starting to heal. Now I could look back to my memories about you without having a break down. After the graduation ceremony, I asked permission to Headmistress McGonaggal to be granted access to her office, so I can say my goodbye to you. She smiled and gave me the password. _Free will._

I stepped into the Headmistress office and was met by Dumbledore's smile and twinkle in his eyes. You were placed next to him and you were leaning into the table that was in your portrait. A table where my first sculpture for you was placed on. The panther. I said hello to Dumbledore and to you. I said that I have a confession to make. You were glaring down at me and snarled at me to speak quickly. Then I told you everything. At the last of my speech, I told you that I love you and you were speechless. Dumbledore? He just smiled knowingly and sucking on his beloved lemon drop. You picked up the panther. You asked me if I made it. I nodded yes. You looked at me in the eyes and thank me. For everything. For the sculptures, for my feelings toward you. And that you were sorry. I smiled. I bowed my head and excuse myself. I said my goodbye. I can heal in peace.

Know this.

I love you Severus Snape. Goodbye.


End file.
